For reasons that may or may not be within your control, you are being forced to heal from divorce and learn how to navigate this chapter in your life. This can be done through divorce counseling.
Before we begin, you may be feeling so many emotions and that is okay. Even though you may not be able to imagine a future that isn’t full of heartbreak or sorrow…there is light at the end of this tunnel.
Divorce can leave you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, lost, grieving, and paralyzed from moving forward. It is normal to feel betrayed, hurt, disappointed, and angry.
It may not be easy learning how to heal from divorce, but my promise to you is to make it as simple as possible.
Let’s move through what divorce counseling is, how to make sense of a relationship ending, and how to heal in 3 simple steps.
What is Divorce Counseling?
Just as a marriage counselor helps a marriage through turbulent times, and a divorce counselor does the same thing, except it helps through turbulence upon or after filing for a divorce.
Divorce counseling can help on many levels, helping you sift through complicated feelings, financial struggles, and lessen stress and anxiety.
You may be hesitant to go to a divorce counselor if you are worried much of the blame will be placed on you or that a counselor will try to push you back into marriage.
This is not the case. Divorce Counseling is designed to help you move forward, release the past, and help you function independently; perhaps for the first time in your life.
Tips to Heal from Divorce
Divorce can be one of the most traumatic experiences the human body goes through emotionally. Luckily, with these few tips, you can minimize the impact and learn how to heal from divorce.
Acknowledging the Transition
Living in a toxic marriage can take a toll on your self-esteem. Whether you’ve chosen to go through a divorce or not, it’s important to recognize that both you and your ex-partner are on individual journeys.
There was a time when your paths aligned, but as you grow, sometimes they diverge. As you part ways, remember that there’s a lot of love that can be shared.
In divorce counseling, you will learn to wish your ex-partner the best on their future journey and, in turn, wish yourself the best on yours. The ending of this chapter has nothing to do with your worth – your worth is inherent and unaffected by external circumstances.
This new chapter is a gift, allowing you to align with the true you, which may have been silenced in your past relationship. Even if you don’t know who you are right now, this new chapter is an opportunity for self-discovery will begin to flourish.
Gain comfort THROUGH BOOKS
Immerse yourself in reading material that brings comfort, focusing on topics such as divorce, separation, infidelity, and more. This serves as a reminder that you are not alone.
As humans, we crave community, support, and connection. Reading the stories of others who have faced similar experiences can fulfill that need for understanding and bring you comfort you need.
Find your support system
Consider hiring an expert to lean on as you rediscover yourself – whether it’s divorce counseling, a therapist, life coach, or healer. These professionals are trained and, more importantly, have a passion for listening, empathizing, and providing unconditional love and support.
Be open about your feelings and ask for help. Your feelings can help you identify and heal emotional, mental, and physical burdens, preventing you from repeating negative patterns in the future, and move forward with an empowered individual.
Silencing your Inner Critic
In divorce counseling, you will learn to address any inner critic that tells you that you don’t need love, comfort, or help during this time. Recognize that this inner voice is part of the ego, and its role is to survive.
You are not your ego; you are a soul within a physical body that houses the ego. It’s okay not to have everything together, and it’s okay to ask for help. Embrace the opportunity to feel every human emotion, knowing it has no control over you, and that this too shall pass.
HAVE Compassion FOR YOURSELF
Hold compassion for yourself as you navigate through lower emotions and consider incorporating meditation into your daily routine. Pause, take deep breaths, and inhale love while exhaling stress. Remind your body that it is safe and loved. For a guided meditation, you can find a divorce meditation I created for you, here.
Navigating Through Emotions
When life seems to fall apart, it’s natural to feel guilt. It’s almost as if it’s all your fault, and you begin to question your lovability, or feel that something is wrong with you.
However, these are just passing emotions – they are not who you are. In divorce counseling, you will learn how to navigate through the lower emotion, acknowledge them and let them flow through you. I’ll provide you with my three-step process for nourishing these emotions below.
3 Steps to Heal from Divorce
The biggest mistake people make when navigating divorce is thinking they are the guilt, anger, fear, resentment, and heartbreak. It takes total control over their state of being. This is not true.
To break this concept down, we can define e-motion as energy in motion. I explain all about this process here. This proves energy is simply moving through you. It is not you. This knowledge is required for standing in your power and manifesting a future you love.
- Identify where you feel the lower emotion in your body.
- Picture pulling the heaviness out of your body, and hold it in your hands, like a little malnourished baby who just needs someone to hold them and feed them.
- Imagine holding this baby, and start feeding them with a bottle while saying, “you are safe, you are loved, you are nourished.”
Divorce Counseling Quotes to Help You Move On
Here are some comforting quotes, along with my takeaways, from Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Gwyneth Paltrow to name a few. I hope this helps you move on with greater clarity than ever before.
1. Redefining Divorce as a Transition
Stop thinking of divorce as a failure. Divorce is not a failure but a transition to the next chapter of your life – one in which you’ll rediscover the true you.
“Divorce isn’t a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died from divorce.”
– Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home
2. Embracing Emotional Control
You control the emotions; the emotions do not control you. Allow space for lower emotions like hate, guilt, resentment, and anger to flow through you.
This is not a time to act when these emotions are being released. Wait to act or respond from a place of centeredness and love. Don’t act on lower feelings, as they are temporary. Instead, act according to your values and your essence – which is love.
“There are things in my life that are hard to reconcile, like divorce. Sometimes it is very difficult to make sense of how it could possibly happen. Laying blame is so easy. I don’t have time for hate or negativity in my life. There’s no room for it.”
Reese Witherspoon
3. Empowering Children Through Positive Communication
Ensure the way you speak to them about divorce is one of love, excitement, new beginnings, and grace for all involved. This will have an even greater impact on your children than the divorce itself.
“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip away quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
4. Prioritizing Growth & Well-being
Divorce is a time for total rebirth. Birthing pains are surfacing, as proof you are about to create new life.
In addition, research shows the profound effects of moving your body during this process of growth. Exercises trigger good feelings and ignite endorphins. A fitness regimen or a new goal such as a 5K race will boost your mood and increase your self-esteem, promoting overall health and well-being.
“Divorce is hard and painful and complicated and something you have to grow through.”
Sharon Stone
5. Affirming Positive Change
Create affirmations to nourish your negative inner dialogue. For example, when you think, “I can’t do it” nourish it with loving statements like, “Yes, I can”.
If you make similar affirmations every morning to yourself, your mind will start to focus on them and believe them to be true. Try not to avoid the negative feelings; instead, nourish them.
“It’s sad, something coming to an end. It cracks you open in a way – cracks you open to feeling. When you try to avoid the pain, it creates greater pain.”
Jennifer Aniston
6. CELEBRATING!
Your family is not broken. Instead, this is a time of cleansing, so you can rebuild your foundation in alignment with what is true in your heart. The illusion has fallen away. It is time to create something new centered around love. Celebrate this time! Throw a party, plan a family vacation, and soak up these new beginnings.
“I wanted to turn my divorce into a positive. What if I didn’t blame the other person for anything, and held myself 100 percent accountable? What if I checked my own sh** at the door and put my children first? And reminded myself about the things about my ex-husband that I love, and fostered the friendship?
Gweneth Paltrow
The end of the divorce allows us to learn from the past, welcome in change, and recreate a life we love. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. I surround you with a warm comforting hug through this process.
Written By: Allie Pratt
